The morons are on vacation!

I’m on my way home from a nice Saturday afternoon ride and the only road into town is a nice two lane that is filled with people on vacation this time of year.  Anyway, I’m following a car that’s just signalled to make a right hand turn onto a side road.  The car gets as far over to the right as possible to allow the traffic behind him to keep going without stopping.  So far, so good.  As I’m passing this car to the left, the car behind me passes me on the left, going into on-coming traffic, and then proceeds to cut me off getting back into the correct side of the road before being hit head on.  Needless to say I’m pissed!

After getting my heart rate down to sub-humming bird speed and shouting a few choice words, which no one could hear, I saw that the moron was not from these parts and was probably on his way to the coast to see what real waves look like.  From his license plate I also knew this particular breed of moron would morph into a wimp once he hit the mountain corners and I would get my chance to show him how I felt about being cut off. 

Sure enough, Mr. moron couldn’t handle the twisties and was now going slower than some people walk.  At the next safe passing area I pulled beside Mr. moron and gave him a “nice” wave and with a shake of my head and a twist of my right wrist I became a dot in Mr. moron’s view.

Summer is the best time to ride because it’s warm and dry (usually), but it’s also the most dangerous.  You see, summer is the time of year when the moron family goes on vacation and it’s a big family. 

Members of the moron family are usually easy to spot.  They drive like there’s no one else on the road but them.  The turn signals on their cars are in mint condition as they're seldom used.  Some are still trying to figure out what that extra lever on the steering column is.  Forget speed limits, members of the Moron family drive like they have a spastic right leg.  Fast, slow, fast, slow, slow, fast...  If you’re on a two lane they’ll drive slowly until they reach a passing lane and then they accelerate like they’re in the NHRA finals.  Of course they hit the brakes when the lane ends.  Speaking of brakes, they’re the most used part on their cars as they’ll slow down or stop without warning if something that even remotely resembles a vacation photo op comes up.  They also have the bad habit of trying to smoke, talk on their cell and scratch their (use your imagination here) and drive all at the same time.  Too bad part of the Moron family trait is not being able to do two things at once, let alone more.  It’s in the genes.

Members of the moron family can also be found on foot.  You know, they’re the people who dash out in the road to take a picture or run across the road to hit up the ice cream stand.  Hey, it’s a tourist area and they’re safe, just in Disneyland.  Did I mention they also like to walk down the middle of the road? 

Unfortunately a few members of the Moron family also ride motorcycles but natural selection keeps the numbers small of those do.

So, enjoy the rest of the summer riding season and be on the lookout for members of the moron family.  Don’t let their vacation ruin yours.

Lets Ride!

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